I depend on Brad for a lot. Especially since moving overseas. Because his German is at a level I cannot even dream of being at, he handles the bills, he usually is the one to help the kids with their homework, he maintains the electronic stuff, he writes out directions for me if I can't figure out how to get somewhere...yes, you must be thinking, what does Stacey do?
I ask myself the same question all too often. When living in the States I was pretty independent. I could communicate effectively with my kid's teachers, I could take my dry cleaning in without worrying I might ask for the wrong thing, I knew how to get around the city of Hollywood, and now it seems a day does not go by when I don't struggle with some sort of inadequacy.
And I really feel it when Brad is out of town (and right now he is at a Pastor's conference in the Netherlands...). It began on Tuesday when our land line (phone) to the States wouldn't work...then when I tried to use my cell phone...it was saying I needed to add more minutes...what? Brad always does this...he fixes the electronic things that are broken, he adds minutes to my handy.
Then tonight I was speaking with a friend who has a son in Abby's class. She asked me if I had reviewed with Abby all of the things that were going to be on a test in the morning? What? A test? When I asked Abby if she had all of her homework done, she said yes. If Brad were here, he would have read it in her plan for the week and this wouldn't have been left for the last minute...
To top off my day of feeling completely unable to do anything right...I went to the grocery store. I had filled my cart and was already in the check-out lane...usually groceries is the ONE thing I can do pretty confidently. As I start to unload my groceries I remember that I brought a different purse with me...one that did NOT contain my wallet or any other form of money!!!
Ok, since I don't know how to tell the cashier that I forgot my wallet at home and I don't know how to ask what I should do with the cart...I promptly put my groceries back in the cart and then return everything to it's original home. Are you noticing a theme here?
Thankfully, when I got back in the car after leaving the grocery store with nothing... the hymn "It is well with my soul" was playing in the CD player. I don't believe that was a coincidence. I think in that moment, God knew I needed to hear the sweet lyrics to that hymn and be reminded once again that my circumstances and inadequacies do not define who I am. I am a beloved daughter of the King, whose blood was shed for me... and this I can certainly depend and rely on.
(I am also glad that Brad returns home tomorrow;)