Thursday, November 06, 2008

Dependence...

I depend on Brad for a lot. Especially since moving overseas. Because his German is at a level I cannot even dream of being at, he handles the bills, he usually is the one to help the kids with their homework, he maintains the electronic stuff, he writes out directions for me if I can't figure out how to get somewhere...yes, you must be thinking, what does Stacey do?

I ask myself the same question all too often. When living in the States I was pretty independent. I could communicate effectively with my kid's teachers, I could take my dry cleaning in without worrying I might ask for the wrong thing, I knew how to get around the city of Hollywood, and now it seems a day does not go by when I don't struggle with some sort of inadequacy.

And I really feel it when Brad is out of town (and right now he is at a Pastor's conference in the Netherlands...). It began on Tuesday when our land line (phone) to the States wouldn't work...then when I tried to use my cell phone...it was saying I needed to add more minutes...what? Brad always does this...he fixes the electronic things that are broken, he adds minutes to my handy.

Then tonight I was speaking with a friend who has a son in Abby's class. She asked me if I had reviewed with Abby all of the things that were going to be on a test in the morning? What? A test? When I asked Abby if she had all of her homework done, she said yes. If Brad were here, he would have read it in her plan for the week and this wouldn't have been left for the last minute...

To top off my day of feeling completely unable to do anything right...I went to the grocery store. I had filled my cart and was already in the check-out lane...usually groceries is the ONE thing I can do pretty confidently. As I start to unload my groceries I remember that I brought a different purse with me...one that did NOT contain my wallet or any other form of money!!!

Ok, since I don't know how to tell the cashier that I forgot my wallet at home and I don't know how to ask what I should do with the cart...I promptly put my groceries back in the cart and then return everything to it's original home. Are you noticing a theme here?

Thankfully, when I got back in the car after leaving the grocery store with nothing... the hymn "It is well with my soul" was playing in the CD player. I don't believe that was a coincidence. I think in that moment, God knew I needed to hear the sweet lyrics to that hymn and be reminded once again that my circumstances and inadequacies do not define who I am. I am a beloved daughter of the King, whose blood was shed for me... and this I can certainly depend and rely on.

(I am also glad that Brad returns home tomorrow;)

10 comments:

Alisha said...

I think we all have days like this. Hang in there!

Do you ever use this website to get directions -- Wiener Linien? You can put in your starting point and destination and it gives you several options on how to get there with public transportation. You can even enter an arrival time and it will tell you when you need to leave your house to start walking to the bus or strassenbahn or whatever. I couldn't get around town without it!

our family said...

Praying for you to hang in there until Brad gets home.
Hugs
Rachel

Brad & Stacey said...

I love you, Stacey. I'll be home tomorrow night. Glad you KNOW that God is with you and it is well with your soul!

all my love,
Brad

Joe and Amy said...

I can understand and feel the pain in your post! This morning at team meeting we talked about some of the worst and best things that have happened to us since moving here. We talked about how God gives us unexpected surprises and glimpses of him at just the perfect time. I believe that you and the fam are prob a perfect unexpected surprise in Vienna, a culture that needs Jesus. Praying for more of God's surprises to remind you that he is in control even in the midst of tears.

And in hopes to make you laugh, I also went grocery shopping w/o any form of money the other day!! I'm glad to know that there is someone else like me out there!!!

Brian and Wesley said...

The only thing I want to know is whether you cursed in German or English when you realized you didn't have your wallet. ;)
I'm so glad the Lord met you in the midst of all your frustration today. Find rest in Him and know our thoughts and prayers are with you!
love,
Wes

Lori said...

Hi Stacey -
I can relate! The frustration of feeling like an illiterate toddler, facing so much of new and unfamiliar people and culture, all can easily contribute to .. wishing to scream or throw a temper tantrum. May he continue to allow your weaknesses to bring you closer to him, and joys in the small things to give him the praise.

Love - Lori
ps. Made the Pumpkin Apple Struesel recipe this week YUMMY!

Amy Ross said...

I continue to pray for you, my friend. I'm sure your reunion with Brad was sweet. Hope you enjoy your weekend. Miss you...so much!

Shannon said...

Write this down and keep it in your bra: "Ich habe nicht genug Geld bei mir. K├Ânnten Sie das auf die Rechnung setzen?"

Love you, Shan :)

Jodie said...

Jeff & I are doomed :) You play that hymn for me as needed. Promise?

Brad & Stacey said...

promise...